Archive for the ‘mondayz’ Category

Just Another (Very Possibly Slightly Less) Manic Monday

May 4, 2009

This might be the most hopeful Monday that I’ve had in some weeks – nobody in this house has been hospitalized since Friday, and I am not writing this from a public library terminal – but still. It’s Monday. Something, somewhere, sucks, and it’s probably headed my way.

Public Library Terminal.

Anyhoo. Good things:

1) You know about Canada Moms Blog, right? Right? Well, the first official Canada Moms Blog Getting Ready To Launch Party is going to be this coming Mothers’ Day Weekend in Toronto. This Saturday – May 9, the day before Mothers’ Day – from 2 – 5 we’ll be joining the Bunch gang at their annual pre-Moms’ Day bash and they’ll help us kick-off Canada Moms Blog all glam-like. And we would love it love it love it if you would join us. Bring the kiddies! Get tattooed! Raise a glass to Canada Moms Blog and, you know, moms! (Read more about it at Canada Moms Blog, and leave us a comment if you think you might attend.)

2) You know about The World According To Mom project, right? Right? Well, last time I checked, both Canada and the US were part of the globe, so you should totally join in. We’re currently at 250 posts from parents in 41 countries and in seven languages. Which is a little short of our goal of 80 countries – we did, after all, subtitle the project Around The World In 80 Clicks – but still pretty awesome. And it would be even more awesome if you’d consider – maybe in honour of Mothers’ Day – doing a post, or spreading the word. And if you wanted to say that you were writing from Narnia or Oz or Middle Earth, well, I wouldn’t say anything, because fictional territories should totally count.

3) I have a computer now. It’s beautiful. It’s not really mine (see my postscript on this post; HP is lending it to me, because I am sad and desperate and complicated, and they are all about making things happy and peaceful and simple) but isn’t that the way that it always is with really beautiful things? Like peonies and sunsets and the way that sunlight dances on ocean waves at the height of summer? And cake? Okay, not cake.

Anyone want to send me cake?

(Yes, I closed comments, again. Because I want you to go here and say that you’ll join us or here and say that you’ll join us or for you to just use the time that you were going to spend commenting to bake me a cake.)

Mondays Are For Zombies

April 6, 2009

It’s Monday, it’s raining and I think that my house might be haunted. It’s either that or the cats are messing with me. Odds are good either way.

Yeah, Monday. What’s there to say that hasn’t already been said a thousand times already by the Boomtown Rats?

1.) So my mother calls me Friday afternoon and says this: “I just sent you another post to publish. You’re going to kill me.”

Me: “Why?”

Her: “Because it’s about that time you brought home a stripper.”


Her: “I had too.”

Me: “He wasn’t really a stripper, and I didn’t really ‘bring him home,’ in the sense that ‘bring home’ implies.”

Her: “He said he was a stripper, and he was in our house.”

Me: “STILL.”

Her: “Wait ’til I tell the story about the first time that you and I talked about hand jobs.”


2.) Traveling around the world isn’t getting me away from my mother and her blog-cum-child-torment-device, but it is providing some amazing insights into just how much mothers around the world have in common. You should join in.

3.) You know that I’m not really all that outraged about my mother’s blog, right? If anything, it’s a boon. There’s no reason for me to write lengthy essays explaining why I’m so messed up when my mother’s out there giving the world a live demonstration.

4.) I have an essay in this book. You should buy it.

5.) I also have an essay in this book. You should buy it, too.

6.) Oh, yeah, and this one too. More than one essay, actually. So maybe buy more than one copy of this one. You know, so that you can fully appreciate the breadth of my talent.

7.) I guess Monday is not all that bad when you wake up and realize that, yes, you are, kind of, a published author and that’s kind of awesome. And odds are that neither the cats nor the ghosts have themselves ever been published. So. They can just suck it.

Monday: Now With More Unicorn!

March 30, 2009

I promised myself that I wouldn’t start this week with another weak salute to my hatred of Mondays. I mean, what’s more banal than hating on Mondays? Seriously. Welcome to my boring.

But then I woke up this morning – and by ‘woke’ I mean, got out of bed after not having slept a wink – and my inbox was full of wondrous and terrifying things and really, how is one supposed to rally one’s creative energies to write meaningful, thought-provoking prose when one is confronted by e-mail from one’s mother with the subject heading GRANDMA AND VIBRATOR?

1) My mother’s newfound enthusiasm for blogging is starting to frighten me. Because, you know, it’s not bad enough that she reveals unflattering details about the little tyrant that I was when I was five. She also has to send me e-mails with video about grannies and vibrators (VIBRATORS) and say can I post video on my blog? Because I have a story to go along with this!

Which, upon reading, caused my inner child to curl up into a little ball and weep.

2) Sometimes, you find stuff laying on the ground in your local schoolyard and despite the fact that that stuff almost certainly has grotty, grotty teenager germs – and god knows what else – all over it you simply can’t not pick it up. And photograph it. And upload it to your Flickr account.

3) Speaking of awesome: if you want awesome for your blog, you need to check this out. SWEET.

4) Speaking of more awesome: this post? Is – alongside the Shakesville post that inspired it – BlogHer’s BlogHer Of The Week post. Which is awesome not because I am awesome (although I am that, sometimes), but because that post was the catalyst for the most community-affirming discussion about reproductive choice that I have ever seen, anywhere. Pro-choice, pro-life: it didn’t matter. Every commenter was respectful, even kind, in considering both my thoughts on the subject and the thoughts of all the other commenters. It provided indisputable proof that discussion on controversial topics needn’t be combative. It demonstrated that this community really understands civil discourse. It made a lot of the residual ill-feeling from that other controversy just melt away.

It was – what’s the word? – awesome.

5) What is not so awesome: my custodianship of the Basement. I recently discovered a batch of submissions from December that I missed and therefore didn’t post. AM SO SORRY. I need to learn how to use spreadsheets or something because, really, my lack of life skills sometimes gets in the way of being awesome (or, in the case of the Basement, providing a space for others to be awesome.) Also, I suck.

(They’re all going up this week. And next. Daily posting until we get caught up.)

6) What is always awesome: UNICORNS.

Rainy Days And Mondays And, Also, Zombies, Get Me Down

March 23, 2009

I don’t have anything personal against Monday. It’s not like Monday’s ever done anything to me that she – oh, don’t give me that, you know Monday’s a she – hasn’t done to every other living being on the planet – pine beetles hate Monday too, pass it on – it’s just, you know, Monday. BLAH. I’m just never ready for it.

(I know. I work at home. In my pajamas. So what am I complaining about? I work at home in my pajamas, surrounded by chaos, with a baby chewing on my leg and a three-year old shrieking at eardrum-shattering volume and cats dragging dismembered Dora dolls under the sofa for further gutting. It’s like Resident Evil around here, but with babies instead of zombies and no Milla Jovovich coming with a team of commandos to save me. So.)

Where was I? Right. Monday.

It is Monday and I have had neither sufficient caffeine nor B12 vitamins to kick-start anything approximating energy or will or lifeforce and so all you get from me today is what you got last Monday: weak jokes and some links.

1) CNN linked to me today. But it was about breastfeeding stuff and we all know how that goes. Wee bit of a traffic spike, but also: mean e-mails! And stupid comments! Telling me to COVER UP MAH BOOBEEZ K THX!

Can I just put this out there? Could everyone out there who is skeeved, squicked or otherwise disgusted by breastfeeding (in any and all of its forms) please find a more interesting way to express your belief that your right to not be skeeved, squicked or yucked overrides my child’s right to be nourished than EW BOOBIES GROSS WHY CAN’T YOU JUS COVER THEM SELFISH BISH?!?!? Or, maybe you could, just, you know, look away?

2) My mother is persisting with this whole blogging thing. And now she’s threatening to be – quote – ‘a thorn in (my) side.’ Also, she wants to tell you about the ‘deep V’ tanline caused by her grandma-boobs and bitch about her bifocals and, maybe, give other grandparents advice on how to torment their children by corrupting their grandchildren. This is either going to be really terrible or really awesome. Probably both.

3) The Basement. It’s not a happy place today.

4) No, I didn’t purchase the DVD of the movie Twilight this weekend. I wanted to, though. Mostly because I’ve heard that Robert Pattinson’s commentary is bust-a-gut hysterical (Robert Pattinson, who is on record describing his character thusly: “When you read the book,” says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, “it’s like, ‘Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.’ I mean, every line is like that. He’s the most ridiculous person who’s so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn’t do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that’s how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he’s a 108-year-old virgin so he’s obviously got some issues there.” How can you not love this guy?) and I could totally get on board with having my gut figuratively busted.

Instead, I just read pretty much the entirety of Cleolinda’s commentary on everything Twilight. And busted a gut. Seriously. BETTER THAN THE BOOKS. Almost.

5) They should do a remake of Resident Evil, but with cats. They could get a Siamese to play Milla Jovovich’s role. That’d be funny.

This is the shit I think about on Mondays. It’s a kind of hell.

(Closing comments because, seriously, I am exhausted UP TO HERE with debating breastfeeding. Comments are still open at the CNN-linked post, but having responded to one stupid comment there I am already spent and have given up. Reading about Twilight is a far better use of my time today.)